10 facts about Google

1 - Typing "google" as a search query into Google will destroy the universe.
2 - 8 out of 10 cats prefer Google, down from 9/10 in the early 80's.
3 - Google records 36 million results for "where are my keys" so it can be inferred that either Google is watching a lot of people when they come home from work, or it is infact Google that hides them.
4 - NASA planned to install Google on the space shuttle to help find new worlds, but the project failed as people only knew the names of planets they have already found.
5 - Google Street view is mostly made of up images of just 15 streets, but photoshopped and mirrored, to give the impression of covering the entire globe.
6 - Google knows the location of Atlantis, and as a result doesn't understand why it is referred to as The Lost City, and it assumes you are looking for a different, still hidden, City
7 - Google was born in Connecticut. It's parents were a Dictionary and a Phone book, and it's first job was at a Help Desk for AOL. It was there that Google learned to love answering questions, and to hate the human race.
8 - An anagram of Google is Le Goog, which may or may not be French slang for Google.
9 - Google's autocomplete doesn't actually list the most popular searches, but uses wifi to find out what your subconscious mind is really looking for. Due to documented phenomenon stating that if you actually knew what your subconscious was thinking, you would instantly go insane, it pretends that other people were as twisted as you are.
10 - Google originally started out as an internet forum, but quickly realised that there were too many people asking really simple questions out of laziness instead if researching an answer for themselves, and becoming an actual search engine would cut it's workload significantly.

Will Troll for food...

Although prostitution is claimed to be the oldest profession, that's only because the humble Troll asked for nothing in return for their services, merely the joy of seeing someone really wound up.
It's always been about, but only within the last 5-10 years has the word "troll" become commonplace, and that's due to the faceless playground called the internet.
Trolling is almost like a new art, the aim is to control other people, and guide them down a path they don't want to take without them knowing.

The simplest form is the Devil's advocate, where objectionable or pessimistic responses are made to queries just to explore other options. Quite often, it's pretty valid, for example, when someone is planning their holiday, and going on and on about how they'll be relaxing on a beach, you can just remind them they are in a tsunami zone, or ask them what they'd do if it rained everyday non stop.
It can be valid, even not a bad idea to have backup plans, but the main point is you get a bit of peace and quiet as they are knocked back down to planet earth.

On a bigger scale, is the "kicking a wasp nest" strategy. I don't know about you, but i've always found pissing off wasps to be hilarious, and being honest, they deserve it. They really are nature's arseholes. If you don't have a wasp nest handy, but want to see a small war break out infront of you, you can always do it online.

Most forums and message boards are clever enough not to fall for it, so you might need a little planning and acting beforehand. Get it right though, and you'll have a little action movie play out on the screen.
The simple ones would be telling an Apple forum that Microsoft is better, or a Starwars group that Jar Jar Binks was the best character, and the 70's/80's films were crap.
Within a few hours, there will be 20 pages of arguments and insults, and many people getting wound up over little points that aren't really important.

Sometimes you will be caught by some, and you'll get the standard response of "don't feed the trolls" as a message for everyone else to ignore it, and calm down.
It never works though, coming back to my earlier post of group mentality, there will always be people whipped up into a frenzy and will walk straight into the trap they have just read about.
You may even come across the legendary reverse trolls.

Whilst the general internet can be described as stupid people pretending to be clever, the troll is a clever person, pretending to be stupid.
The reverse troll is at the top of the Troll hierarchy, a bit like White Knight, defending the people with knight-like skills.
Rememeber not to confuse this white knight with the internet brand of white knight.
The internet white knight is the guy who will always jump to the defence of anyone he suspects to be female.
The ironic part is some of these online women are just men trolling as it's funny to watch half a forum bend over backwards in the hope of actually speaking to a girl.

Reverse Trolls rarely win though, the aim is to annoy and upset the original troll, and get them to go ballistic at their PC. When it does work out, it is an amazing sight to behold, but don't wait up for one.

The best trolls go unnoticed. As someone famous once said (I'm thinking Verbal Kint from the Usual Suspects) "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he did not exist."
The good (or bad...) Trolls are the same, they will play an entire community with a smile on their face, and no one ever realises.
It can be very simple, just keeping a thread alive, agreeing with other people, to throw a bit more fuel on the fire.

The "acting stupid" method is another good hidden technique. All you need to do is pretend you are an idiot, and a crowd will soon form to get a kick in.
You can really go to town on being stupid here, tell a motoring forum you decided to change to diesel in your petrol powered car as you heard you get better economy, and ask them why your car doesn't work anymore.
Maybe look for help on an electronics forum after you have just washed your phone under the tap to clean the dust out.
Advance techniques include not mentioning the real stupidity at the start, and let people slowly draw it out. Guide them to ask you the right questions, and they won't realise your cunning plan.

The last form of Trolling, is the private joke. Numerous common ones have appeared over the ages, some have even broke into the mainstream, such as the Rickroll.
Originally, there was no rick, only a duck with wheels.
Yes, a duck... with wheels, and this was the duckroll. This first appeared years ago, sourcing indicate that ebaumsworld did it to start with, and an enticing link would be placed which just redirected to a picture of a duck with wheels.
With the creation of Youtube, and handy video sharing, came the Rickroll.
Instead of a picture, a link would be posted to a new music video, or a great clip, and you'd just end up Rick Astley's "Never gonna give you up".

A more text based version is the classic "Bel Air"
To pull off a Bel Air, you need to start a long story, and draw the audience in close, then graft in the complete lyrics to the theme tune of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

Some great (and no so great) examples...
raepmykipz Bel Airs Christian TV

raepmykipz again, this time with Rickroll

A famous, although almost universally accepted as trolling, account of a guy who tipped an energy drink into his Motorbike.

Malodrax, either the worlds greatest troll, or most twisted maniac.

You'll see them, they are out there, you can even join them, but whatever you do, don't get wound up by them!

The End

Facial and Social Recognition Strategies and Guinness

If there is one thing a seasoned Guinness drinker will tell you, it's that it tastes better in Dublin. Maybe i need to try some in Dublin, as i can't stand the stuff.
To make matters worse, i'm supposed to be Irish too.
To me, it's a thick black liquid with a ferrous flavour, that probably comes closest to what my idea of used engine oil would taste like.
It's often said that Guinness doesn't travel. Well, it does, you can get it all over the globe, but to be more exact, "It doesn't travel well".

Generations have remarked on how the Guinness always tastes better in Ireland. Guinness themselves aren't too keen on statements like that, as it suggests most of the world is getting a substandard product. Guinness themselves even have travelling officials that make sure the pint is poured correctly, and contains the regulation shamrock on the top.
Drawing pictures in the foaming head of a drink is serious business for Guinness, and if the correct settlement time and logo are both to the directive, the pub or bar will receive a certificate saying the bar staff can pour drinks.
In all fairness, it's a reverse-touristy thing, it's meant to convey a special atmosphere and feel to an otherwise quite common drink.
The real Irish pubs rarely bother with shamrocks in the top, and tend to keep a knife handy to skim off the head before passing it over.
That isn't as fancy for the general populous, so a little more ceremony is added.

Back to the travelling, Guinness say it's the same anywhere, (and the official certificate helps) and the only difference is the fact the Dublin atmosphere and holiday feel (or familiarity of the local for Dubliners) is the cause of the perceived change.

I'm 50/50 on this, i can see each side, but i can also see a reason for each statement, so a non Guinness drinker like myself is really going to struggle finding the truth.

On to another point from the title, is the Human capability to recognise very slight genetic clues in a person's face. On a larger scale, there are some pretty familiar faces and races around the world. It's not hard to figure out that Reginald VelJohnson, the chauffeur in Crocodile Dundee, wasn't of Aboriginal descent, and that Mr Kobayashi in the Usual Suspects didn't have an ounce of Japanese in him.
Why Hollywood can't find actors of the correct ethnicity is beyond me, but that's all part of life's rich tapestry.
On a more local scale, tests have been done with ethnically similar people who have managed to recognise people from their home town. This is unlikely to work for London, but it shows there are very subtle differences that your unconscious mind can pick up on, even if you can't see it.
A similar, but more obvious form of recognition is Social recognition. Whilst in LA, lots of gold jewellery and a jogging pants would be seen as a wannabe for Desperate Housewives, in the UK, it's the complete opposite.
Here, big gold earrings are an anti-status symbol. The more people wear, the more you know they are still paying off the loans for them.
In Italy, it's pretty suave to be flying round the piazzas on a moped, in the UK, it tends to be annoying teenagers. What you might recognise as one group in your home town, tourists and travellers will be unaware, and likewise, on holiday, you'll struggle to spot the high fliers from the bottom feeders.

Linking these ideas together is another one of my theories. Previously, i called it the holiday effect, although thinking about it, the Guinness effect is a bit more catchy.

Even if i just travel to different towns, let alone different countries, i always get the feeling that the women are more beautiful away from home.
Back in my city centre, i'll be able to recognise the kind of people that would shake your hand, and those that would shake you down.
When i'm in a different country, i can't spot them at all. Being out of touch with the social structures in different countries means i've got quite a good chance of asking the local thugs where the nearest cashpoint is.
Crime upon tourists backs this up, with out of touch foreigners being easy pickings for the criminals.
Together, this shows that you always rely on an instinct based upon what you see, which frequently doesn't work anywhere else.
You could add the pure holiday effect into this, and say that away on a fun filled holiday adds to the poor population you've forced yourself upon in the tourist bars.
Tests done on football fans showed they they felt more attractive and confident when their team won, so certainly blue skies and sunshine is going to boost your own ego.

Another possible aspect is the deep desire to mix genes with others. Could the aspect of recognising distant relatives in your hometown put you off in favour of something more exotic?

Overall, it's unlikely that everyone in the world happens to be born in Uglytown rather than Hotville. (Apart from people from the UK town of Grimsby. The town synonymous with fishing, bears a name taken from the Viking invaders, and it actually translates in Danish to.. yep, you've guessed it, Uglytown...)

A common phrase used in many places across the world is "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence", and that sums up The Guinness effect perfectly.
The grass isn't greener, it's just a different green, and that difference is the factor that draws people in. Failure to spot undesirable giveaways, and an optimistic outlook makes something different appear better, but for no tangible reason.

So next time a friend comes back from holiday, telling you how it was full of hunks/babes, ask them how the Guinness was...

The End

Я скучаю по старой России

For those who can't speak or read Russian, or can't find google translate (http://translate.google.com/), the title says "I miss the old Russia"
The Russia language is quite fun, once you figure out what the Russian letters sound like, you realise how many English words are used, or Russian words that you've heard of.
России is "Russia", P is R for example.
Anyway, i don't want to take anything away from what it is now, but the old USSR was awesome. The Americans had this odd hatred of Communism, it was like a red rag to a bull, but a lot of the other countries just saw them as a sleeping, although industrious, giant.
There were Apple to US's Microsoft, and not a threat to anyone apart from the USA.
I guess even the language and Cyrillic alphabet added to it, it was a massive country with a Space program, it's own vehicles and planes (as they had to do everything themselves), and a huge army.
Everything seemed so familiar but yet so different. Locked away by themselves, they continued on a path parallel but just that little bit odd and mysterious to attract attention.
Talking of similar things,
Concordski
Looks familiar?

The USSR was a very confusing place for the rest if the world to understand, rich and yet poor, amazing technology and science, but also agricultural and backwards at the same time.

I know that times were hard, i guess i've just bought into the communist propaganda, but the place was awesome, military parades, such a sense of pride, great posters and a catchy national anthem.

They were always the bad guys in films, James Bond spent a lot of his life thwarting their plans, and US paranoia made crazy films such as Red Dawn (Red Dawn at IMDB) where Soviet paratroopers invade a small midwest US town.

One thing Russia was famous for was nuclear research. They had top scientists, plenty of nuclear weapons, and quite a few nuclear power plants. Personally, i think dealing with nuclear waste is far easier, cleaner and "greener" than current power stations, but the add accident has demonised the whole thing.

Chernobyl is one of the first things people think of when they think of Russia. (It's actually in Ukraine, but at the time was part of the Soviet Union.)
You can read the full and chilling sequence of events here- Chernobyl on Wiki
Stories of firemen picking up odd honeycomb sections without realising they were part of the reactor core...
The town where the workers lived, Pripyat, was evacuated in hours, and has been a ghost town ever since.
Pripyat in pictures
It's like a modern day Pompeii, a complete town frozen in time. Urban decay has often been a draw for the more curious, to see a town being reclaimed by nature, tarmac giving way to trees is truly thought provoking.
Take a quick look through Google Image's cache of Pripyat pictures. The city itself has been used as the backdrop in many games too.

Today, Russia has changed, I deal a lot with vehicle electronics and software, and Russia is a major centre for homebrew tech. With the changes has come uninmaginable wealth for many. Even Hollywood has changed its clichés from the big bad communists to "Nouveaux Riche" millionaires.

A great place to check out what it's like now is English Russia

"Everyday something interesting happens in the countries occupying 1/6 of the populated world."

You can see even more at Dark Roasted Blend
Remember to take a look round DRB if that interests you, it's a great site, which can either match everything you ever wanted, or totally blow over your head.
Keep an eye on ebay too, ex Soviet era products are big business, there was a certain style and charm to the Red Star.

I'm happy for the people of Russia, it's a new world with new opportunities for the West and East, away from problems and poverty faced by many before, but i do miss the whole atmosphere of the Mighty Soviet Union.

До свидания!

The End

Science, Religion and Obama...

Seemingly, there isn't much that links the three topics, you could have war i guess, but i was thinking of something else.
First off, I'll lay my cards on the table, I'm an Atheist and a Scientist. I studied Geology for 5 years.
It's a subject pretty close to Tapas, you have a little bit of everything, but can't really say you did one thing by itself. For example, Chemistry (of rocks), Physics (of rocks), biology (dinosaurs, evolution etc), earthy stuff like volcanoes and earthquakes, and the Space one where you learn about planets and stuff. It gives a pretty good rundown of how the universe works, space and life, and you have this clarity of understanding everything just enough to be happy. That's my religion, and it all works.

Some people manage to be religious and scientific, the Muslim world were leaders of science years ago, easily as good as the western greats you are taught about at school. In my world though, you can do one of two things, ask questions, or accept answers.
Yes, i suppose you need to accept the answer to the question you just asked, that's not the point, what i mean is you either accept what you are told, or you question it, finding out the answers for yourself.
My "conversion" to atheism came from questioning what i was told in the bible, plus my uncanny ability to spot apocryphal tales (ie. Urban Legends, stories that have a moral kick in the ass to teach you a lesson).
I'm not going to go into the Science vs. Religion debate, (i'll save that for a rainy day) as it's been running for thousands of years and still no one won, so i'm unlikely to summarise it in a blog post and end theology.
What i do want to talk about is some of the themes that always crop up, the humility of man is one, which is the one that goes something like "we're pretty awesome, so something else must have made us, as there is no way we'de be this awesome left to ourselves".
Another common theme is the carrot and the stick. Be good, and you'll go to heaven/paradise, be bad though, and you'll burn forever in a fire.
That's a pretty crappy end, but if you did get burnt at the stake for being a witch, it would be quite ironic that your punishment would be like the first day of eternity, and no big deal.
The idea of an afterlife gave people something to work to. In the same way that if the world was to end in, say 2012, for example, and the world's governments knew, they wouldn't say anything, as there would be complete anarchy.
All the great punishments involve a factor of time. Murder would get you years in prison, but if the world was to end tomorrow, there would be no consequences, and no decent punishments.
Religion has always had reincarnation, or a heaven type place to go to afterwards which was something to look forward to, but what do the scientists look forward to?

The answer is still the same, heaven, or rather the heavens. Space.
The only thing is, it's not looking too good. Obama has pretty much cancelled the Space projects, and i can see why, it is a pretty expensive hobby to collect moon dust, but there was always the draw of getting out there in a space ship, and popping round to see the neighbours.
Throwing my cards down again, i do believe there will be life out there, but i also believe they haven't come anywhere near us, and they don't spend their time abducting drunks, drawing in the grass, and hovering over cities where everyone has a cameraphone, but only one person actually notices and youtubes it.
Another important point is just how big space is.
The nearest planet outside of the solar system is about 15 light years away, so even travelling at a speed so fast that even the laws of physics can't keep up, it'll take 15 years to get there.
Add to that -
Note to Captain Kirk: Warp speed will kill you
the fact that at those speeds, you'd get mashed up by some of the smallest, lightest things ever.

So we can't really travel about to different places, and research into different places has been cut back, so it looks like we're stuck.
It's not a bad planet, this one, but it's a little claustrophobic to think we'll always be stuck here.

There just might be a way out, and it's the odder bits of physics, quantum physics, Relativity etc. In short, the theory of Relativity is the 4th dimension curved space one with worm holes and warp drives, and quantum physics is one that says that stuff acts differently depending on whether you are looking at it or not, and that is somehow knows it's being watched.

Whilst religion is happy knowing that it'll get past the pearly gates, Science is crossing it's fingers that we'll figure out a way off this planet.

In the end, Science and Religion do share some common ground, we all need something to look forward to, and we're both pretty sure it's up.

The End

10 Super Whales facts

1) Moby Dick never existed, but Capt. Ahab needed to tell his wife something why his boat was wrecked.
2) Whales come with a socket on the top for a parasol in sunny weather.
3) They often beach themselves if they have finished their swimming early.
4) Whales communicate with deep tones in an unintelliagable language called Welsh.
5) The largest Whale recorded was seen in Dukes nightclub, Chelmsford in 1986.
6) Whale Sharks are pretty tetchy about their name, and being associated with Whales, so prefer the Vietnamese name Ca Ong, or "Sir Fish".
7) Whales can't chew, bro, and avoid potato chips because of this.
8) Breeching occurs when Whales become lost, and look for landmarks, which unfortunately are few and far between at sea.
9) The Jonas brothers were swallowed by a whale for 3 days and 3 nights, and this was recorded in many different religions.
10)Whales avoid competitive sports in favour of Jogging and Rock climbing.

The End

Facebook fails

Facebook is a handy resource. I know people from all over the country, and it's nice to see what they are getting up to, where they are going etc, but it also has a bad side.
Apart from the often quoted "facebook fails" involving an office junior slagging off the company, with a glib managerial response, i see a lot of retarded groups forming. So many with titles containing major spelling errors, usually in ALLCAPS too.
ALLCAPS IS SHOUTING, SO DON'T DO IT ON THE INTERNET.

I guess it's a result of having "Groups" freely available to any keyboard masher, who decides to become e-famous overnight.

There are some other types that fit the description of a virus in some ways.
Over the last week, i have seen a few groups with semi-interesting titles, usually regarding a picture or similar that require you to sign up to the group to see what all the fuss is about.

I'm not so stupid to click on any group like that, but it seems many of my "friends" are, so i'll receive frequent notifications about gullible people joining poor groups to see a picture that doesn't exist.
By the time they realise it ain't all that, they have already sent updates to everyone they know, stating they will fall for anything.

It's the same as chain letters. Usually some e-mail carrot of interest (which, more often than not is made up) followed by the stick of "pass it on" or something bad will happen.
Many even go so far as to suggest years of bad luck or death if you don't forward it to 30 people in the next hour.
Seriously, if i receive an e-mail like that, i feel embarrassed for the person that sent it.
They have just advertised to the world that they are pretty stupid, and beleive in anything people tell them.

If you hear an unusual story that you simply must tell everyone about, check www.snopes.com first, as you'll probably find it's a poor urban legend, and passing it on makes you either a liar or a simpleton.

No one knows the reason behind these odd messages, some of the groups are uninformed Daily Mail readers, looking for the next cause to get upset about, some are life's dregs hoping to steal a little culture, or gain the moral highground by pretending to care about some emotional crap, and some are e-mercenaries, trying to become famous although the common factor is a lack of traceability of the stories.

The next time you see a group "10,000 people who..." or "I carnt belife this pikture", ignore it!

Evolution is an ongoing process, hampered these days by compassion for stupid people, but at least try to even the balance by shredding e-mails, ignoring groups, and killing off Urban Legends.

The game is on, you are already a player.

The End